How to prepare for Genesis 38 this week

There was an article, I believe in the Wall Street Journal, a few weeks back that suggests "the conversation" about sex with your children should be more of a life-long dialouge rather than an awkward 30 minutes surprise attack on your very uncomfortable 12 year old.  A controlled exposure over time leads to less fear, less intrigue and a more healthy view and respect for sex.

That being said, regardless of when you start...they are going to find out.  They are going to watch violence on TV or in the movies and they'll probably hear a cuss word at school.  It's a decision of how, as parents, we prepare kids for those experiences rather than letting them happen at random.

This week in The Bridge we'll be talking about Genesis 38, a weird chapter in Genesis that appears thrown in to the middle of the Joseph story.  But as awkward as the placement is, it has a strong message about casting people aside and not caring for them when it is inconvenient to do so, all revolving around issues associated with sex.

As most often occurs, sex is not even the main topic, but it might be the only word people hear.

Bible Notes:

• Having a son is paramount in ancient Israel for a widow.  It ensures them social stability and legal status. 
• Levirate marriage is the law/custom that if a woman is left without a male heir, then the deceased husband's brothers are to sleep with the woman (marriage) until a male heir is provided, who will then bear the deceased husband's name and gain his inheritance.  Tamar is forced to go through this, but the brothers are not willing to help (breaking the law).
• Prostitution was a legal profession, and not openly questioned it appears in the ancient world.
• "Come into you", "Knew Her", etc., are all ways of saying they had sex.
• A signet ring would have been unique to each wealthy male figure.  For Tamar to have that is as good as a DNA test or video tape.
• Punishment for adultery was most often stoning, but burning was allowed as well.  Tamar is still legally married to her dead husband, because she is forced to marry his family who will not marry her.
• Judah is going to punish Tamar until he realizes that he'll be outed for adultery as well.

How to prepare before worship:

• Read the chapter with your child.  It's a good jumping off point for the conversation.
• Explain sex...in an age appropriate way.  In this passage sex shows up as a pro-creation tool, and a lustful passion.  For young kids, just explain that God uses a man and a woman to create a baby.  For older kids, explain that as you grow you begin to experience feelings where you want to reach out and touch another person, and those feelings should be reserved for the right person in their future, someone they might want to have a family with. 
• Explain sin.  Most kids know they get in trouble, but explain that adults often do things that God doesn't approve of too.  Most often those involve hurting someone else and making that person feel inferior.  Do not explain that sex is the sin here, it is the lustful attitudes and actions that follow that are the sin, combined with the disdain towards Tamar and tossing her aside. 
• Explain bad reactions.  When someone is made to feel inferior, they often will continue to act in ways that get them attention or make them feel important.  They want to uplift themselves, not follow God and accept God's love.  Many people will use sex to make themselves feel good or make others want to like them.  This is not what God wants, God wants us to love ourselves and have others love us because He loves us.  We can help people who do these things by loving them as God loves them.
• Explain prostitute.  For older kids.  Someone who has no other option (imagined or reality) than to sell themselves to please another person.  Explain that the people who hire prostitutes do not appreciate the pleasing and therefore they are taking advantage of the prostitutes.  Explain that no person should have to submit to someone else unless they choose to.

During worship:

• Watch your child during worship to see what they are intrigued about, and listen for talking points that might be brought up later, or perhaps words they would be embarrassed to say (there won't be many, but prostitute will be mentioned).
• Remember in the back of your mind that this chapter is not about sex, it is about sin and redemption.  That's hard to remember when you hear sex sitting next to your 8 year old.
• Remember that this is a perversion of sex, and that sex is a beautiful thing in the right context, and your kids need to know the difference.

After worship:

• Engage your child in dialogue about times they see people get left out or made to feel inferior to drive home the point of the sermon, ask them how they can help?  How does Jesus see and act towards these people?
• Ask them if they had any questions about the message or any words or concepts they need help with.  It might just open up a great conversation for you two.
• Read the Bible with them on a regular basis and when you reach another messy, non-Disney passage go through it slowly with them to pick out the wrong way of acting and how God redeems the people who are sinful.

This is a great story to make a point how people use good things for bad purposes, and how people who are left to rot often do desperate things to feel loved, included.  It's a wake-up call for us to ask how we can help those people, rather than worry about the sin they are wrapped up in.